A Happy Christmas

Christmas day is over, but the Christmas season continues.  We had a very happy Christmas this year.  My Mom & Stepdad, Patrick's parents and a close friend spent Christmas day with us.  We are in the middle of Dungeness crab season, so we loaded up and had huge bowls of crab, Patrick's garlic pasta and our friend's famous semolina bread - washed down with Champagne - for dinner.  It's not traditional, and it's a lot more work than turkey, but it's really good!

The next day, Boxing Day, I was thinking about how nice this Christmas was in comparison with last year and it occurred to me that it really should be the other way around.  Last year we were at my sister's house up North and my parents were there as well as my brother and his fiancée (now wife).  I hadn't seen him in years because he lives on the East Coast and I live on the West.  There was snow on the ground and the cousins played together.  Everyone had a great time!  Everyone but me.  I was a wreck.  I was so stressed and worried that I couldn't enjoy the holiday and all of the wonderful things that it brings.

This year, I should have been even more stressed.  Last Christmas since we didn't know about Matteo's cerebral palsy; we thought that he was just behind because of being premature.  We had no idea then what his disability would entail.  So, why am I so happy and calm?  I realize that the difference between this year and last is my outlook.  Last year I was telling myself that everything would be alright.  But, I didn't yet believe.  Sometime in the last year I came to truly believe that everything will be alright.  In fact it will be better than alright!  It is that belief which has allowed me to let go of my fear and worry. Without the fear and worry my health has improved and I can enjoy all of the precious moments.  Looking from the outside you would think, that if anything, our situation has gotten worse.  But to us, to me, it is worlds better. I have made it better by convincing myself that it will be better. In doing so, I have taken back  power over my life.  It's true that you don't realize you have something until it's gone.  Now that I have it back I intend to keep it.  No matter what happens in the future - I know I can still be happy and I can still be calm. And best of all, I can still enjoy each and every special moment.