Time Just To Be

I went to a Knitting Convention last week.  It was called Stitches.  While I've been knitting for nearly nine years I've never thought of myself as one who would go to a convention just for knitting.  I mean, what would I do all day?  I'm not much for sitting in a class of a hundred and learning how to form the toe of a sock (although now that I want to make socks I see that it would be a good thing to know). And really, how long can you look at yarn?  (It turns out you can look at yarn all day.)   But it wasn't the yarn that really appealed to me it was the time away.

I left on Friday afternoon and returned on Sunday.  I spent three days and two nights without having to be MOM.  Now I love being a mom.  I am at my core a nurturer and the joy that I get in helping my children grow and seeing my son progress is something that I never quite experienced in my work.  But when you spend your days caring for others, especially those that need a lot of care, you can forget to care for yourself.  Your identity becomes wrapped up in the other.  I am Mom, Matteo's Mom and Malia's Mom.  I am rarely just Genevieve.  This was my time to just be me.

When I left the house on Friday I told myself that for the next few days I would not worry about the kids, Patrick is a more than capable father.  I would not worry about my friends with me at the conference, they are all capable adults.  I would not rush or worry about being at the right place at the right time or seeing everything.  I would take my time and enjoy each moment.  If I missed a beautiful skein of hand-dyed yarn it would be ok.  There would be more yarn next year.  And as you can see I found plenty of beautiful hand-dyed yarn.

It was easier than I thought to let go of being Mom for a few days.  I left the worry and stress that goes with it at home and for three whole days I was just me.  I was still a mother, you can never give that up, but I was also a knitter, a friend and a woman.  I was able to visit with those parts of me that aren't wrapped up in being Mom.  It was refreshing.  I came back happy and recharged.  It reminded me of the importance of taking time  just to be.  I will endeavor to visit with me more often and not wait until the next knitting convention comes along.  I will take more time just to be.

Lessons Learned

I finally finished a knitting project that I've been working on for many months.  It was intended to be a Christmas gift, but as you can tell it's a bit late for that.  I'm calling it an early birthday present.  As I was nearing completion, I said to my husband that it would be very nice if my knitting projects weren't also learning experiences.  I imagine that when very experienced knitters end a  project it comes out just as they imagined in the time frame they expected.

But, my project was a learning experience and I'm determined to learn.  So here's what I learned.

First:  Be prepared.  A little planning goes a long way, a lot of planning goes farther.  Planning a knitting project involves knitting a gauge swatch to see how big the blanket will be if knitted to the directions. This is handy because baby blankets are supposed to be longer than they are wide so that they fit nicely in the crib.   I skipped the gauge and just started knitting so mine is wider than it is long.  Planning a project also involves adding up all of the little embellishments that aren't in the pattern. This way you don't run out of yarn that is no longer in production or carried by any store anywhere in the world...six inches from finishing the trim.

Second:  Expect the unexpected.  When it's not turning out how you envisioned, change your point of view.  Do things ever come out as envisioned?  Not in my experience.  So when you run out of yarn that is no longer available, it is time to improvise.  Think outside the box.  Take the road less traveled.  It was hard to change my vision of the perfect baby blanket. Once I did, I liked the new vision.  I think my nephew will like it too.

Third:  Nobody's perfect.  Handknit blankets aren't perfect, that's how you know they're handknit. Perfection is not beauty.  Beauty lies in the little (or not so little) imperfections that show that it was made with love.  When we expect perfection we will always be disappointed. Beauty is never disappointing.

Amazing how your children and your knitting projects can teach you the exact same three lessons.