A Happy Christmas

Christmas day is over, but the Christmas season continues.  We had a very happy Christmas this year.  My Mom & Stepdad, Patrick's parents and a close friend spent Christmas day with us.  We are in the middle of Dungeness crab season, so we loaded up and had huge bowls of crab, Patrick's garlic pasta and our friend's famous semolina bread - washed down with Champagne - for dinner.  It's not traditional, and it's a lot more work than turkey, but it's really good!

The next day, Boxing Day, I was thinking about how nice this Christmas was in comparison with last year and it occurred to me that it really should be the other way around.  Last year we were at my sister's house up North and my parents were there as well as my brother and his fiancée (now wife).  I hadn't seen him in years because he lives on the East Coast and I live on the West.  There was snow on the ground and the cousins played together.  Everyone had a great time!  Everyone but me.  I was a wreck.  I was so stressed and worried that I couldn't enjoy the holiday and all of the wonderful things that it brings.

This year, I should have been even more stressed.  Last Christmas since we didn't know about Matteo's cerebral palsy; we thought that he was just behind because of being premature.  We had no idea then what his disability would entail.  So, why am I so happy and calm?  I realize that the difference between this year and last is my outlook.  Last year I was telling myself that everything would be alright.  But, I didn't yet believe.  Sometime in the last year I came to truly believe that everything will be alright.  In fact it will be better than alright!  It is that belief which has allowed me to let go of my fear and worry. Without the fear and worry my health has improved and I can enjoy all of the precious moments.  Looking from the outside you would think, that if anything, our situation has gotten worse.  But to us, to me, it is worlds better. I have made it better by convincing myself that it will be better. In doing so, I have taken back  power over my life.  It's true that you don't realize you have something until it's gone.  Now that I have it back I intend to keep it.  No matter what happens in the future - I know I can still be happy and I can still be calm. And best of all, I can still enjoy each and every special moment.

First Haircut

I'm finally sitting down to write this weeks post.  The lead up to Christmas is always more hectic then I think it will be.  It may have something to do with the fact that I tend to have big plans for gifts that I will make, and not enough time to make them. (No, I'm not done yet.) I guess I'm a slow learner.

Curls!

Last week we reached a milestone!  Matteo had his first haircut.  We had been holding off on this tradition because he had such beautiful curls.  But, it was either a haircut or a t-shirt that says "I'm Not A Girl!"  We opted for the haircut.  So in keeping with tradition we all went to the salon armed with cameras, cell phones and a set of grandparents.  David who owns Brush here in Healdsburg was a great sport and managed to give Matteo a cute boy haircut without cutting off any ears or loosing a finger.    Not any easy feat considering the squirming that was going on and the family members calling for Matteo to "Look over here. No, look this way.  Smile.  Don't eat that!"

Squirming

Yes we kept a curl (or 10)!  I'm not sure what we are supposed to do with all this hair we HAD to save.  I guess we could make some sort of potion with it when he's older, something like "Pleasant Teen Potion"  or "Helpful High Schooler Potion."  If anyone knows of a recipe, let me know.

My little boy.

I hope you and your family have a wonderful Christmas!

Going Up the Down Escalator

You know when you have one of those weeks that is so rough that you breath a sigh of relief when it's over? That was last week. Nothing terrible happened - just a whole lot of little things that could have been terrible. It felt like I was trying to go up the down escalator. In fact, life feels a lot like that right now. But some weeks it seems like the escalator is going down faster, leaving me running just to stay in the same place.

The week started with an upper-respiratory cold running through the family, leaving us cranky and achy. Then my husband's asthma-like symptoms flared up, sending him into coughing fits, and gasping to the doctor. Wednesday evening, my School Board meeting went on for 4 1/2 hours. The following morning I did the 6 hour trip down to Matteo's urologist and back. And then, to top off the week, our car (the one we rely on) had a spectacular overheat as Patrick was getting off the freeway.

In many ways we were lucky. Yes, lucky. Everyone got over the cold and no school or work was missed. Kaiser gave Patrick an inhaler and told him that he may not have full-blown asthma and he should hopefully start to feel better. While the school board meeting was long, the district finances are getting better and the community is getting more involved in what's going on in our schools. On Thursday we saw the urologist for a 30 second check up to see how everything was doing after Matteo's October surgery. Matteo had surgery to correct his undescended testicles (a fairly common occurrence in premature babies). And while a 140 mile trip is long for a 30 second appointment, it wouldn't have seemed so long if the doctor had found something wrong - which he didn't. Finally by some luck when the coolant and oil sprayed all over the inside of the hood, the engine did not seize.

By the time my Saturday morning knitting group rolled around, I was feeling pretty sorry for myself. It was there that I ran into a friend that I hadn't seen for a while. She and I met when my daughter and her son were in Kindergarten. She has a special-needs child whose needs exceed those of Matteo. While she was still sorting out his needs, she developed cancer. A terrible reaction to the treatment left her with constant, intense pain and almost took her life. The pain keeps her from sleeping and her ongoing treatments leave her exhausted. I was astonished on Saturday when even with everything she was going through, she was so concerned about me and my struggles. Reality Check. How can I waste time feeling sorry for myself. I may be going up the down escalator, but while I'm jogging, my valiant friend is at a full-out sprint. And she's not giving up! I know that I'm not giving up either. At some point I'll get to the top of that escalator. I don't know when and I don't know what's at the top. I do know that the trip will leave me changed -- for better or for worse is up to me.

More Than Socks

Sometimes events happen in your life that are profoundly significant, but that you completely miss at the time. So it was for me when I joined a knitting group some 5 years ago. If you had told me in my twenties that I would be knitting, I would have laughed. My mother tried to teach me when I was young, but I was never any good. And, it really seemed like something your mother, or grandmother would do. But, with the help of my mother-in-law, I learned anew and to my surprise found myself really enjoying it. I could sit, watch football and knit. I was very comfortable in my living room, knitting at night and on weekends. It was the perfect hobby for an introvert, or so at least I thought.

What I didn't know about learning to knit is that to progress, you have to learn new techniques. You need people to help you. You need to join a knitting group. Now knitting was one thing, but joining a knitting group? That's really not my thing. But, I really wanted to try new types of knitting, cabled sweaters, Fair Isle knitting, mittens and socks. I needed help, so I allowed myself to be dragged to the Knotty Knitters Knitting Group. I didn't go very much at first, but as the years have gone by and the group has grown and changed locations to a friendly coffee shop, I found that I miss it on the Saturdays that I can't go. It's not the knitting that I miss, because the truth is I rarely get to my knitting during the two hours I'm there. It's the people, the warmth and the compassion that the group brings to those who join. And, it's my time to just be me.

I've never been part of such a diverse group. We are young and not so very young, professionals and homemakers, engineers, artists, farmers, winemakers, nurses, designers and bloggers. We don't all agree about religion or politics, tea or coffee. We dress differently and like different colors (this becomes a big deal when you're a knitter). About the only things we agree on is that we like to knit, and if one of us needs help we will be there come hell or high water.

So, it really shouldn't have come as a surprise to me that they would help me with Matteo. You see Matteo has braces that he wears on his lower legs to help him stand. In order for the braces to not chafe his legs, he needs long socks that will come up and over his braces. Have you every tried to find knee socks for a one year old boy? It's not easy. So one Saturday, at knitting, I mentioned that I needed some little socks for Matteo. The response? "Genevieve, you've come to the right place!" Soon there was a prototype, then a pattern sent to everyone and now there are five pairs of wonderful socks, and more on the way! What a wonderful gift! Not the socks (although they are wonderful too), but the gift of friendship, of caring and compassion. These gifts are worth more than gold. Thank you!

Had I known that the act of joining a knitting group could be so significant in my life, I would have joined decades ago. But we don't get to go backwards, only forwards. I'm glad that I'm there now.